Therapy and Salmon: Perils for a Purpose

The helping professions can be perilous to those of us who choose them. Aside from counsellors I think nurses, paramedics, social workers, and teachers (to name a few) are also at risk for some specific work-related hazards.  Two of my classmates gave a presentation last week addressing these hazards and the importance of self-care… and a well-timed presentation it was.  I’m not sure how October got away from me but here we are in mid-November and I have started to let self-care slip down the priority list as it always tends to do.  Between my busy schedule, the shortening days, and the changing weather it has become too easy for me to forego purposeful leisure activities.

The presentation outlined three different types of work hazards that can be directly related to a lack of professional self-care:

1. Compassion Fatigue
2. Vicarious Trauma
3. Burnout

The first two are specific to the helping professions, while the third can happen to any of us, especially if we lack balance in life.  Compassion fatigue describes a jaded attitude in a helping professional; emotional draining and the inability to respond with empathy.  Vicarious trauma occurs when helping professionals are witness to the traumatic experiences of their clients (either through hearing stories or seeing it happen) and begin to ‘take it home’ with them.  That is, they may have nightmares about what has happened to clients, or become more fearful in their own lives, and adopt a more negative worldview.  Burnout refers to exhaustion and lack of enjoyment in work and can happen to any of us whether we are in a helping profession or not.

“What is to give light must endure burning” – Viktor Frankl

For therapists to light a client’s way forward or up we must be able to sit in a room full of pain; we must be able to hold the suffering we witness in others as well as the distress it triggers in ourselves.  This will require us to draw on our training, seek our own supervision/ debriefing, and it will demand that we manage our own self-care… that we maintain a healthy balance in life.

My colleagues carried on the metaphor in asking: what are your ‘smoke detector’ alarm bells and what do you do to put-out or prevent the fire?  Things I have noticed in myself include strong feelings of self-doubt and a fear of disapproval.  I become more defensive, feel overwhelmed, and I start disconnecting from what I’m doing.  I will feel less engaged and less effective.  Last year I experienced all of these things; it is what inspired me to start this blog.

One of the most helpful things I do is to define my life through various different roles, or ‘wear different hats’ if you will.  I’ll speak more to this next time. In the meantime, the presentation inspired me to renew my efforts to maintain my wellbeing throughout the whole year, not just in the summer when it is easy!  This weekend I got the kayak out for a paddle (perhaps the last of the year… we’ll see) and I went to see the salmon run as well.  Both of these activities were excellent for balancing my four quadrants on the medicine wheel model.  They both allowed my cognitive and emotional sides some peace and quiet – a luxury these days with classes and internship.  They both engaged me physically, and put me back in touch with my spiritual side.  The scenery while I was kayaking took my breath away… a sure sign one is having a spiritual experience, and the salmon run has become a spiritual occasion ever since I spent some time learning about it from the First Nations people of this region.

For anyone who isn’t familiar, the ‘salmon run’ is the time of year when all the pacific salmon species born in a particular river will migrate all the way back from whatever reaches of the ocean, going to profoundly exhausting lengths to climb back up the river, mate, deposit the eggs of the next generation, and then die.  There is great significance in salmon lore and the fact that they return to their birthplace, but their death is also significant.  In dying where they were born they immediately nourish the water and surrounding forest, thereby nourishing the generation that rests in thousands of little fish eggs all around them.  ‘Salmon forests’ as they were called by the First Nations guide are as spiritually rich as they are nutrient rich.  They are full of ancient cedar trees, medicinal plants, birds, and animals.  These salmon have returned to the river they were born in for many thousands of years, and for many thousands of years there were people there to greet them.

And so as I said earlier, ever since learning some of this history from one of those people I have had a meaningful appreciation for the salmon run, and I make an effort to see it each fall. The fish can be hard to spot at first.  Here’s my “process” (as we counsellors like to say):

I go by myself and make the short hike to the river.  As I arrive at the river’s edge I feel quite alone in a big green forest… I don’t see any birds or animals, and I don’t see any fish.  I wonder for a second if I will need to try a different area.  As I scan the river I spot some seagulls and then some dead fish.  A carcass here, a carcass there, I spot more and more fish carcasses.  I turn my eyes down to the river while my thoughts slow down a little, and as I peer into the water an army of enormous salmon materializes in front of me.  A few emotions wash over me that are hard to identify… something to do with the realization that I’m not alone, and a feeling of awe as I absorb the sheer number of them in what was moments ago, just a river.  I think I actually gasped.  There are hundreds of immense, scarred, battle-weary fish that seem to be standing still in the water, facing upstream.  It takes a few minutes of observation to know that they are actually moving forward, ever so slowly.  Their doggedness, suffering, and ultimate demise will give rise to another generation which will slip out of the river unnoticed, thousands of tiny fry on a mission.  It helps widen my perspective from ‘me and all things to do with myself’, to the natural world around me and its own timeless agenda.

The ‘salmon forest’ and river.

Maybe it’s due to the fact that this was Remembrance Day weekend, but they really seemed like hundreds of soldiers marching upstream.

Thanks to a little inspiration from my classmates I feel rebalanced and refreshed after this weekend.  I’ve taken steps to prevent any fires that might have been kindling in my professional life and I’m better prepared to hold that space for my clients’ pain in therapy… to “endure the burning” without losing sight of the light.

And on a sunnier day… a few shots kayaking in November!

I chose a lake instead of the ocean…

… It was like glass!