Surrender

Re-reading my previous blog entry now that I have been on vacation for a week I feel very much removed from the wilted, grey-faced grad student I was just a short time ago.  Getting away has been very therapeutic and has restored the balance I was missing.  I prefer a gentler, more constant balance in my life, but if I must endure a brutally demanding grad school semester then a tropical getaway is surely the antidote to balance the scales!

One reader wisely commented last time: “Some… grad school semesters are just time to cope, to manage, to survive” and I realized that giving myself permission to feel tired and burnt out is half the battle.  I encourage my clients to balance striving for change with acceptance of the cards they’ve been dealt, and I, naturally, need be reminded in the same way.  The dance between effort and surrender is a tricky one.  My hope is that having this escape will allow me to more easily surrender to the demands of grad school for the rest of this semester.  I’ve had the therapeutic break I so needed.

What is it about my vacation that has been so therapeutic?  Well for a start I have been kayaking on the Caribbean; we all know the benefits of that!  As well, it has given me the chance to press the ‘reset’ button.  At home in survival mode I was in a very sticky routine with a fairly narrow perspective.  Courses, internship, and homework were the whole world as far as I was concerned.  By getting away I have regained a much wider perspective, which makes the overwhelming amount of schoolwork ahead of me seem less dire.  Yes, I will have to work hard to get it all done by the end of the semester; but I no longer feel as though I am drowning in it.  My escape has given me the chance to pop my head above water and take a breath.  Will I be overwhelmed once again in the weeks to come?  Most certainly.  But this break, this ‘breath’, will sustain me a little longer than if I hadn’t taken it.

It seems effort and surrender compliment each other nicely.  As a therapist it will be so important to recognize the signs of burnout, and just as important to do something about it.  If I cannot accept that I am burnt out, accept that I am tired and weary and starting to feel resentful, I will continue to rail against it.  I will get up every morning and show up to every meeting, every class, every client appointment, striving to deny the fact that I am burning out.  If I can accept it and truly surrender to that exhaustion then I have taken the first step.  Then I have opened the door for reevaluation of my situation and the next steps toward rebalancing my life will fall into place more readily.  As therapists we don’t have to be flawless and self-actualized beings.  Being our authentic selves appears to be vital, however, and I’m sure that includes admitting our limitations and willingness to take a break.  We must be able to surrender.

As promised, a few photos:

Lynn doing a little homework while on holiday!

Authentic Mexican… sooo delicious!

Horseback riding on the beach

The Mayan ruins at Coba

Swimming with a Sea Turtle <3